One day they taught us the song “My Old Man.” They told us the words were:

My old man’s a sailor, what do you think about that?
He wears a sailor’s collar, he wears a sailor’s hat.
He wears a sailor’s raincoat, he wears a sailor’s shoes,
and every Saturday evening he reads the sailor’s news.
And someday,
if I can,
I’m gonna be a sailor, the same as my old man.

Then they said we were supposed to substitute our own father’s occupation for the word “sailor.” Well I wasn’t sure what my dad’s title was. I guess I wasn’t the only one because the teacher told us we could ask our dads about it when we got home, and we’d sing the song again tomorrow.

So I headed off home, and do you know what my dad’s title is? SYSTEMS ANALYST. When I told him about the song, he started cracking up. So I tried all night to fit the 5-syllable word where the simple-and-easy “sailor” was before. But hey, I loved a challenge.

I mastered that song and I never forgot my dad’s job title. I’m sure I surprised many an elementary teacher later when they asked, “And what does your father do for a living?” And my 8-year-old face lit up and rattled off, “He’s a systems analyst!” Yeah, take THAT Miss Teacher! Just don’t ask me to spell it.

On a sidenote, I was trying to find the words to “My Old Man” online because I couldn’t remember every line. And I came across a hilarious Smothers Brothers routine. It’s a fitting find, because I used to watch the Smothers Brothers show with my parents. I loved Tom Smothers as the yo-yo man.

What’s your dad’s job title? Or your mom’s? You could change the song to “My Old Lady.” Although I guess that would mean your wife. Well, whatever. Can you top systems analyst?