New post on my professional site: What’s wrong with this shopping poll?. Here’s a picture of the poll. See if you can figure out what’s wrong before going to my site to see what I think about it.

I only have 2 weeks of school left, and when I’m done that will make my total amount of time spent in school 19 years (K-12, college, grad school). So why do I still get nervous over projects? I just finished two projects today, and I’m already starting to wonder if there was more I should have done. And as I look towards my next project (the last for the year!), I’m overwhelmed and incredibly intimidated by it.

Every time I start a project, the hardest part is getting started. I have to constantly remind myself it won’t be that bad once I dive in. I may even have fun with it. And time and time again, I prove this to be true. But time and time again, I fail to be comforted by this when I start a new project.

I’ve narrowed down part of the problem – grades. When I start a project for work, I’m never intimidated. I know that any failure is really a success in that I’ve learned of an option or path that won’t work. Hurray! I won’t make that mistake again. But slap a grade on a project, and it’s another story. Sure, I’m graded at work via performance reviews and my peers’ opinions, but no one’s standing around saying “You get a B for your work on that user guide.” Or at least, if they did, I’d be well within my rights to kick them.

So why do I let something like grades push me around? In all the professors and teachers I’ve encountered, only a handful of them were actually sticks in the mud who refused to help me. Most professors are ecstatic when a student has a question about an assignment. It shows you’re actually trying and taking it seriously. But for some reason, no matter how many questions I ask or how well I prepare, I am always scared when starting a project and when finally turning it in.

I think the problem for me is that grades are so final. I work on a project, turn it in, get a grade, and I’m done. And if I get a bad grade, I just have to live with it FOREVER. This never happens at work. If I complete a project and it doesn’t meet expectations, you better believe my boss is going to ask me to do it again or add to it.  But I don’t get this chance at school, and it frustrates the heck out of me. And it ups the fear, because whatever my first attempt results in is what I have to live with forever.

Is this what it’s like to be an OCD perfectionist? I can’t wait to graduate – not just for the accomplishment, but for the end of big, bad, mean ole grades trying to cramp my style!